Can Bubblegum Crap Kill?

The short answer is no...but I was reminded today why I don't often listen to pop music--or what my dad always referred to as "Bubblegum Crap" (hence the title).  This morning I flipped the station to avoid ads, as I'm wont to do.  This time, it caused me to subject myself to two awful songs.  Now, you may be asking "why didn't you change the channel in the middle of the first song?"  This is a valid question.  Frankly, I did it for this blog.  But, hey, let's call it a social experiment to see what kids are listening to these days.

So first up was Carly Rae Jepsen's I Really Like You.  Now, I will give it to this girl that she sings incredibly catchy songs.  I'll probably catch myself humming this one later in the day, much as I did with Call Me Maybe.  Her two top hits have something else in common though: they both have terrible lyrics.  I seriously can't understand how something that repeats the word "really" 66 times (67 if you count the one in the first line) can become popular.  Not only that, but she asks "do you want me, do you want me too?" twice in each chorus.  That first "do you want me" is already superfluous.  Why does she need to ask that double question twice in each chorus?! Then again, the people who listen to this stuff will likely also tell you that Justin Beiber's Baby is a lyrical masterpiece. 

Now, I also watched the music video to see how this song was portrayed.  While I enjoyed watching Tom Hanks lip sync and generally go about his happy way, I found the video entirely misleading.  It makes it seem like this song is about being a happy-go-lucky person who enjoys greeting the day with a smile upon one's face.  The song is about sex.  No, no, we shan't sugar coat it.  It's about a girl who's being led upstairs even though “It’s way too soon, I know this isn’t love.”  So why is Tom Hanks in this music video?  Why is he singing along to these (awful) lyrics and greeting people in the street?  Is it meant to distract the viewer/listener from really (really, really, really, really, really) hearing what's going on?  Whatever the reason, I'm baffled as to why Mr. Hanks wanted to do this video.  He can't possibly need the money (though the dancing crowd scene at the end did look like fun).

Overall, I give this song 3 out of 10.  And the 3 is only because I can't get the damnable thing out of my head.  The lyrics are here if you feel like going crazy (just don't call me maybe).

While I hoped the next song would be better, it was so much worse than I could have expected.  Next up was Hey Mama by David Guetta, featuring Nicki Minaj and Afrojack.  It was a struggle getting through this one.  But I did it for science!  I thought it would be okay at first, because they were using a piece from an older artist at the beginning, and I was enjoying the island rhythms.  And then Nicki began singing.  For this one, I wish to address each stanza individually. 

Yes I'll be your woman

Yes I'll be your baby

Yes I'll be whatever, just tell me when you're ready

Yes I'll be your girl, forever your lady

You ain't gotta worry, I'm down for you baby

When I heard this first stanza, my main sticking point was the line: "Yes, I'll be whatever, just tell me when you're ready."  This line is basically telling us that this woman thinks she only has an identity based upon what her 'baby' needs.  While I get that some people might argue she's only proclaiming her devotion for her man, the fact that it's on his terms (just tell me when you're ready) is disconcerting.  But let's move on to the Pre-Chorus...

 .

Best believe that, when you need that

I'll provide that, you will always have it

I'll be on deck, keep it in check

When you need that, I'ma let you have it

So this pre-chorus is our first indication this woman is willing to act as her man's slave.  She's there at his beck and call (when you need that, I'll provide that).  And even if you assume that the "it" she's referring to is a slew of objects--drinks, food, remotes, etc.--that's still basically acting as his fetch-girl.  It becomes worse if we interpret "it" as her body.  You may think I'm overreaching here and only trying to become offended...but what else is she keeping "in check" for him?  Every time this chorus came on I was picturing a girl assuming the position, just waiting for her man to "tell [her] when [he's] ready."

You play my drum like, dum di di dey

I love the dirty rhythm you play

I wanna hear you calling my name

Like, hey mama, mama, mama, hey mama, mama

Beating the drum like, dum di di dey

I know you want it in the worst way

I wanna hear you calling my name

Like, hey mama, mama, mama, hey mama, mama

For the main chorus here, I only have one major problem: she has no name.  She responds to "hey mama," which is how I used to call our cat in for food when I was a kid.  Now, I'm not saying this is the first song to dehumanize a woman...I'm just saying a) it needs to stop, and b) it's made so much worse by the rest of the song, which is highlighted in the next (and possibly worst) stanza...

Yes I'll do the cooking

Yes I'll do the cleaning

Plus I keep the na-na real sweet for your eating

Yes you be the boss, yes I be respecting

Whatever that you tell me cause it's game that you be spitting

Perhaps you believed I was being overly sensitive with the first three stanzas.  But if you don't see where this is offensive, you need to take a step back and look at your life.  First of all, I had to hear about Meghan Trainor's stupid Dear Future Husband ad nauseum for weeks.  While I agree with those that found that song offensive and said it perpetuated gender stereotypes, I must ask why I haven't heard any controversy over this song?  Perhaps I'm just the first out of the gate, but I wonder if it's because Nicki Minaj is singing about keeping her "na-na real sweet" (and for some reason I don't believe she's talking about that yellow fruit that's high in potassium) instead of Trainor that things haven't hit the controversy wheel.  I've seen several articles (mostly Buzzfeed) that talk about what a feminist Nickie Minaj is (though I've seen interviews where she won't refer to herself by that label), and I've even applauded some of her quotes.  However, I think that makes this song all the worse.  Minaj is saying one thing in her real-life interviews, but telling young men and women that "yes you be the boss, yes I be respecting."  That's completely the opposite from the strong-minded and forceful young woman I've seen in the media.  How can she sing about doing "whatever that you tell me" when that doesn't seem like something she'd do in real life?  How is this a good example for her listeners of both genders? 

Whole crew got the juice

Your d**k game the truth

My screams is the proof

Them other dudes get the deuce

I might speed in the coupe

Leaving this interview

It ain't nothin' new

Now, while I will never object to a woman enjoying herself in the bedroom, I have a problem with the second half of this stanza: "I might speed in the coupe, Leaving this interview, It ain't nothin' new."  While this might be my overactive imagination at play, all I can see is Minaj in the middle of an interview when her phone rings.  Seeing it's her "Baby," she immediately picks up despite the cameras rolling.  After listening for a few minutes--never uttering a sound--she hangs up the phone.  "I'm sorry," she says to the flabbergasted interviewer, "I've got to go.  My baby needs me in his bed right now."  Then she speeds away in her coupe, ready for whatever he has planned.

Don't go missing, baby

I know just what you need

When you give me that word

I'll be good, I'll be bad for my baby

Of course she doesn't want to lose her baby.  So she'll do whatever he asks just so she'll never have that dreaded conversation with her friends and family.  "He left you?  Why?  What did (didn't) you do?!"  Obviously a lot of the points from the last stanza stand here as well.  Add to that she's basically saying "it's better to be a doormat than single," and you may see where I'm having difficulty.

Make sure that he's getting his shit

Make sure that his baby takes care

Make sure mama, down on her knees

Keep him, please him, bottom down

Be the lady and a freak

And here is the piece de resistance.  In case the other lyrics were too subtle, this one lays it all out.  She's literally telling the audience that her man's needs go far above her own.  That she is literally subservient to him "down on her knees" acting in whatever capacity he sees fit.  She is to be "the lady and a freak," which is just another version of the "virgin and whore" or "Madonna and Magdalene" to which every woman is apparently supposed to aspire.  That's right, ladies, don't worry about your wants or needs; that's what you have a man for!  (le dramatic sign)

While I know that Minaj didn't write this song herself, as a successful artist she is able to pick and choose her projects  In this case I believe she chose poorly.  I wish I could say the critics agree with me, but according to this website, several news sources were praising the single.  Only one of the critics on that site had a negative comment, and it only said that the song was boring.  Another critic praised the single, but briefly touched on the gender themes saying: "It’s hot, even if the gender role enforcement is a little…err"

I think 'cringe-worthy' would work better in place of 'err.'  After all this, I've decided to give this one 2 out of 10.  While I still enjoyed the instrumentals and the beat, I just couldn't get past the horribly misogyny (especially when perpetuated by such an opinionated woman).  Plus Carly Rae's single is still bouncing around in my head, so it wins the 'ear worm' category

Now, I'll accept any differing opinions in the comments, just keep it respectful.  Trolls will be ignored (or sacrificed to ogres).  Have a nice day with better music :)

tl;dr
No, but Carly Rae Jepsen's I Really Like You and David Guetta/Nicki Minaj/Afrojack'sHey Mama (and pop music like that) might make me wish to self-induce a coma.