When the Words Won't Come

I’ve been very proud of myself and my posting skills lately.  This marks my seventh post in 2014, my second consecutive month of posting, and even my third post in one week.  While I did get up to 7 in 2012…I really had to squeeze that seventh one in under the wire.  I’ve said before that I like to talk, and those who know me would most likely scoff and say “It’s like she thinks she gets paid a penny a word.”  So it must seem strange to most people that I don’t post more, either here, Facebook, or on Twitter (Though since the last one only gives me 140 characters, I feel a little more justified with limited Twitterpation).

There are many reasons behind it, I suppose.  The first is that I really do feel guilty on occasion that I sit here typing away on my blog (or staring mindlessly at social media for hours on end) when I really should be finishing novel number two.  However, I’ll back down on the guilt for a moment, because I finally got a couple of people to read through number one and give me some pointers…and just finished the rewrite last week.  I’m also feeling rather accomplished at finishing a promising children’s book.  Now I just need to find an illustrator.  Technically, I have one, but she seems to be busy working a full time job and spending her free time with the man she loves.  Really, the selfishness of some people ;)

However, my main reasoning behind my erratic posting falls under the category of “Does this really need to be out there for everyone to see?”  While I’m more than happy to post silly personality quizzes on Facebook--as well as the occasional heart-felt and/or funny story stolen from another person/webpage--I prefer to keep my personal business personal.  One of my mom’s favorite sayings goes a little like this: “You don’t air your dirty laundry in public.”  That’s an axiom I live by, because while I won’t necessarily go sobbing in a corner if I lose a FB friend over a comment I’ve made, it doesn’t mean I wish to throw out every spare thought and opinion that comes my way.  I believe that everything we say and do—once it’s out in the universe—can’t be taken back.  This is especially true for writers putting pen to paper (or these days, pixels on a screen).  As much as I love to bask in my own awesomeness, even I must admit that not every thought that worms its way to the surface is a gem.  And, just because it’s my opinion doesn’t mean it’s correct—or even valid.  Therefore, I try to choose my words with care and deliberation when I’m online.  (This rarely happens in real life, wherein I suffer from an almost fatal case of foot-in-mouth disease).  That doesn’t mean I haven’t posted things I regret, just that I try to mitigate those occurrences as much as possible.

With this in mind, there is the small matter of coming up with good ideas.  (All former teachers, please try to keep your good opinion of me—if ever you had one—when reading the next part).  When I was in school, I would spend most of the class period with my mind so far away from the topic at hand, that it’s surprising I didn’t actually lose my mind.  (Especially when I'm wont to lose most everything else I let out of my sight).  Instead, I would pick up on one part (or sometimes a few parts) of what the teacher was discussing and play the ‘what if’ game.  Then I would turn that 'what if' into a story and just start writing from the beginning.  Though I’ve been told that most people map out a full outline before starting, this always seemed to work best for me.  Now however, I’m no longer in school and I don’t have what roughly constitutes 3 hours each day to mess around with writing.  Instead, I take my quiet moments where I can to hash out thoughts, and write things down wherever I find a spare moment.  Nowadays, the thinking usually happens while mowing my parents’ lawn.  While I’m on the mower, I have 3 hours in which I must be silent…or at least be willing to look like a complete nutcase when I’m creating a dialogue between two characters.  And, yes, that does sometimes happen.

This doesn’t mean I spend all my time thinking about story lines, character development, or even blog ideas.  Sometimes I take those 3 hours to just let ideas vaguely pass in and out of my mind without too much effort put into remembering them or following them to any conclusion—logical or otherwise.  On occasion, those passive thoughts will turn into something I use later.  More often they’re just something that keeps my mind occupied while I mow, so I don’t fall asleep with the blades engaged.  So please understand that while I am indeed a procrastinating novelist...it is not for want of ideas or attention.  Rather it is an effort toward using (what I hope are) the good ideas, and (trying) to avoid the negative attention.