Getting Old Sucks

So the other night, I had a real fun time L

Let me give you the full itinerary:

10 pm – went to bed

1 am – had acid reflux so bad I almost choked in my sleep

1:02 am – made myself warm chocolate milk (to soothe my stomach and get the taste out of my mouth)

1:03 am – looked up causes of acid reflux and foods to avoid

1:05 am – whimpered in distress at some of the items on the list

1:08 am – discovered ‘chocolate’ is on the list…mid sip of my beverage

1:08:30 am – decided: ‘Eff that, I’m already miserable…and half done.  Might as well finish it.”

1:12 am – Pinned the list for later

1:13 am – trolled around on Pinterest until I felt like I possibly, maybe, hopefully wouldn’t throw up again

1:30 am – went back to bed with great trepidation and pillows piled high

As you can see.  I had a fun and productive night *sigh*

I don’t know when my body decided to rebel against me, but I’m not a fan.  Sure, it probably has A LOT to do with my quickly approaching 30^th birthday.  

But I dislike unpleasant facts, so I’ll thank you all to disregard that.  

Technically, I’ve always had minor problems with acid reflux.  It was usually due to stress (e.g. I kept a bottle of Maalox handy during finals toward my senior year of college), and didn’t bother me too much at night.

A couple of years ago, I noticed it coming back, so I cut down on alcohol (which wasn’t much of a hardship).  That seemed to help a little, but obviously, it wasn’t a long-term solution.  Ironically, my sister was studying acid reflux and esophageal issues over Easter weekend.

As for cutting out alcohol, it turns out I was on the right track (it's number one on that list I was reading at 1:03), but I need to go a little further toward eating better.  To my complete (lack of) surprise, fried foods were next on the list.  

Oddly enough, I was thinking about cutting out a majority of my fried foods just that morning.  I gave up French fries for Lent, but I didn’t get a lot of good out of the experience (health-wise) because I just replaced fries with other fried foods.  Onion rings make an okay substitute…but I don’t like them nearly as much as I adore fries.  However, they’re certainly on par with fries when it comes to unhealthiness.  In addition to helping cut down on my heartburn, cutting out fries would also help whatever problems I might have with Diabetes down the line.  (Oh yeah, I can’t wait for my family medical history to catch up with me on that one)

There are five things on the list I don’t think I’ll have too much trouble avoiding: Coffee, soda, salt, cheese, and chocolate.  I’m sure some of you are horrified by those last two.  Amongst my friends, I’m well known as fully weird because of my cheese aversion.  Really, I like some cheese…some of the time.  Mostly I’m a fan of white cheeses (mozzarella sticks are heavenly).  And while I occasionally enjoy chocolate, I’m really more of a Skittles fan.  Coffee will be absolutely no problem for me, because I already avoid it.  Soda won’t be too hard, because I’ve been trying to keep away from that delicious poison for years.  Okay…actually I’ve never been a big soda fan, because my mom never bought it when my sister and I were young.  My mom is also the reason I’m already eating low sodium.  She didn’t use salt very often when she cooked, so I find foods gross if there’s too much salt.  However, pepper is also on the list, and that’s unacceptable.  In fact, spicy foods in general are on the list, and that makes me sad.  That was the cause of most of my whimpering at 1:05.  That and mint.  How can I cut out mint?!  That’s my favorite of all flavors!!!

Really, as I read the list of foods to avoid, I began to realize the reason for my severe reaction stemmed from my lunch that day.  I had eaten a bowl of soup that was incredibly spicy, and contained three other ‘bad’ foods: tomatoes, garlic, and beef.  To be honest, there was probably a high sodium content in there too.  As it was a homemade soup, I didn’t really have nutritional facts for the whole thing…but salt pork was one of the ingredients.  So…yeah…high sodium content as well.  As if all of that wasn’t enough, I also drank at least 20 oz. of Coke to wash it all down.  The Coke was left over from an office party, and it was beginning to go flat.  I hate to waste food, so I drank a good amount of a (3/4 full) 2 liter bottle before throwing the rest away.

All-in-all, I suppose I was asking to be woken at an ungodly hour with acid reflux.  Really, I’m only surprised it waited so long to strike.  The only thing that would have made it worse would have been adding the last three things on the list: oranges, sugar, and butter.  Though that probably would have made the soup taste so awful, I wouldn’t have eaten it.  Perhaps then I never would have suffered through this ordeal *ladylike swoon onto an ottoman*  And it’s not as though I even get a nifty kid out of all this heartburn, like my friend Niki.  Sure, she’s going through the same pain, but…nifty kid at the end.  Unfair :’(

With all of this, I’ve also decided it’s time to get serious about losing weight.  Not only because I want to fit in my clothes a bit better, but because of the health benefits.  Turns out, losing weight is supposed to help reduce heartburn and acid reflux.  To that end, my mom has bequeathed to me a Fitbit Flex, and I’m going to start trying harder to reach my daily step limit.  In fact, I actually exceeded my limit yesterday by more than 4,000 steps!  I was both exhausted and elated when I got home from my walk.  I even jogged for a (infinitesimal) bit.  By the way…that’s kind of hard to do when I’ve got my phone stuffed in one bra cup and my keys in the other.  That particular sports bra wasn’t equipped for that level of capacity.  Oh well, I’ll figure it out for next time.

My only other alternative to all of this nonsense is to find the fountain of youth.  As that has thus far proved elusive, I suppose I’ll have to bite the bullet and start getting serious about making healthier choices.  Though I wouldn’t say no to an exploratory mission to Florida.  I believe I’m correct in thinking Disney World might offer the best opportunities.  It couldn’t hurt to add a search through Universal Studios and Harry Potter World while I’m down there.  Anyone want to fund my mission?

*Sigh* Can’t blame a girl for trying :D