Let's Go Netflixing!

Greetings to all on this fine day.  Or—to those on the East Coast—warm thoughts and wishes to all.  As so many people are stuck inside in that area of the country, I figured they might be looking for something to watch at home.  As I get great use from my Netflix queue, here are some suggestions.

God Bless America

This quirky little straight-to-DVD film has been on my list for quite some time.  The whole idea behind it is both repellent and appealing.  Joel Murray plays Frank, a depressed office worker who is sick to death of all the stupidity, cruelty, and lack of common courtesy surrounding him.  His neighbors are loud, his spoiled daughter prefers to stay with his ex-wife, his coworkers are annoying, and reality TV is encouraging downright cruel behavior.  When he gets fired from his lack-luster job and receives the news that he has an inoperable brain tumor, Frank decides there’s nothing to lose and begins a killing spree.  On his first foray into the murder business, he accidentally acquires a 16-year-old protégée in Roxy.  From then on, they’re an unlikely but effective pairing that is just trying to cull the human herd, and make America a better place for all.

What I like:  This movie reminded me a lot of “Idiocracy”—another movie I highly recommend, but is sadly missing from Netflix.  GBA has basically the same themes, but with an incredibly violent twist.  It highlights the many ways in which people have lost touch with what’s important in life, while letting us laugh at the absurd way the protagonist decides to confront the problem.  Roxy is also a joy to watch, as we enjoy her witty banter with the much older Frank, as she too tries to understand how people can be so awful.  I also appreciate the fact that Frank treated Roxy like a daughter, as opposed to the extremely younger love interest other films might push for.  It reminded me a lot of Leon’s relationship with Mathilda in “Leon: The Professional.”

What I dislike:  Frankly, it was a bit too violent for my taste--at least insomuch that it’s meant to be a comedy.  While I understand that the overt blood and gore is meant to shock the viewer, I felt that they went a bit far in some scenes. 

Overall, I gave this movie an 8 out of 10.  It’s funny, while sending the message of: take a look at your choices!

Knights of Badassdom

Okay, I’ll admit I added this film as one of those “I’ll watch it when I feel like having something on in the background” kinds of movies.  I was stunned by how much I liked it.  After getting dumped by his high-school sweetheart for refusing to grow up, Joe (Ryan Kwanten) is kidnapped by his friends (Steve Zahn & Peter Dinklage) and taken to their annual battle of Evermore (which really shows that Joe’s former girlfriend made the correct choice).  The trio joins Eric (Zahn) and Hung’s (Dinklage) comrades, which includes Gwen (Summer Glau)—a girl who dislikes LARPing, and is really only there to keep an eye on her cousin.  While trying to level up as a sorcerer, Eric accidently summons a succubus—who takes the form of Joe’s former flame as she tromps around the woods in a prom dress and out for blood.  Once again, there’s a lot of blood and gore as the group follows the trail of bodies and tries to figure out how to defeat the monster.

What I like:  Let’s face it—a movie that stars River Tam (Glau), Tyrion Lannister (Dinklage), and Jason Stackhouse (Kwanten) was destined to win my heart at least a tiny bit.  I’m a little in love with Peter Dinklage and his ability to mold himself into any character.  In this movie, Hung is a complete stoner who excels at kicking-butt in the Battle of Evermore (but not in real life).  In Hung there is no sign of Tyrion’s smug intelligence couched in sly banter and machinations.  I also love that Gwen (Glau) is a master swordswoman, despite her lack of appreciation for the world her cousin has thrust upon her.  This is especially important where it concerns some of my points of disfavor for this movie.

What I dislike:  The entire premise of this story is pretty thin, but it gets by on banter and my love for the actors.  The effects are about what one would expect from a low-budget film, and I suspect many of their extras are actual LARPers (which is really a point in the film’s favor).  My biggest point of contention about the film, however, is how sexist it is.  While Gwen is a somewhat redeeming character, even she can’t help the fact that she’s a total Smurfette.  Though she isn’t a damsel in distress, she is the only female in an otherwise all-male cast.  This isn’t counting the succubus, who is the epitome of the Evil Demon Seductress.  However, I didn’t like the succubus because, instead of remaining true to the myth of a succubus (a female demon who descends upon and has sexual intercourse with a man while he sleeps), the writers created something more akin to a regular demon who just happens to use her looks to disembowel people.

Overall, I gave this one a 6 out of 10.  While I would normally have gone lower for the overpowering sexism, the fact remains that the casting saved this movie.  Sure, it’s still pretty sucky, but I love me some Dinklage.

Parks and Recreation

While most people are more than familiar with the antics of Indiana public official Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler), I admit I have only recently begun my journey.  This mainly stems from the fact that I watch a lot of shows, and unfortunately have to sleep at some point.  This series is a delightful comedy featuring the exquisite homance between Leslie and Ann Perkins (Rashida Jones) as they try to make their city of fictional Pawnee, IN a more beautiful and better place.

What I like:  Amy Poehler is hilarious, and she really shines in this role.  Her character is a mess, and she’s just trying to put her name out there for the world to see.  She has big dreams, but small ability, and the audience gets to cheer her on and laugh (both with her and at her) as she tries to make her place in the world.  This show is teeming with wonderful characters.  Some are meant to be loved, and others barely tolerated…though we still ending up loving them too.

What I dislike:  This is not so much a problem with the show as my own personal hang-up.  In a comedy show like this, the main character must necessarily make a complete ass of herself in order to advance the story and give the audience something to laugh at.  The situations are usually ridiculous, and most real-life people would never find themselves facing those circumstances.  That’s just the way it is.  However, when those scenarios arise, I find myself overwhelmed with empathy and I get incredibly embarrassed on the character’s behalf.  It’s a problem I’ve had with many shows and movies…so I know it’s definitely me, and not them, causing my issue.

Overall I’m not ready to give this one an official rating just yet.  I’ve only just finished the first season, and I think we can all agree that a show grows and changes over the seasons.  I’m tentatively giving this one an 8 out of 10, though I have a feeling that by the time I’ve reached the end of season 6, I’ll love it completely and give it a full 10.

Well, I think that’s enough to get you all started.  When in doubt, let you Netflix recommendations guide you…but don’t get trapped into watching some of the weird crap on there.  Stay safe all of you on the East Coast, and know the rest of us are both praying for your safety, and jealous of your ability to stay home ;)

I'll Never be a 50s Housewife

Many of you may not be incredibly surprised to hear that I am in no way a domestic goddess.  I cook but rarely, and vacuum and dust even less.  The lack of cooking certainly cuts down on the amount of dishes I have to do, but it also puts a serious dent in my pocket book when I’m forced to rely on fast food too often. 

To be fair to myself, part of the reason I don’t cook too often is that it can be boring to eat the same leftovers for a week.  This is a problem to which I’m sure almost every single person can relate.  There are no recipes (that I can find) that end with food for only one or two people.  And really, I don’t mind a few leftovers (because that’s how I save on lunch) but I don’t think I’ll ever need a recipe that makes food for 8-12 people.

Now, this lack of cooking experience causes another issue.  I almost never know what even the simplest instructions are telling me.  This Saturday, I set aside time (pretty much the whole day) to fix two soup mixes.  They both contained beans that required an overnight soak, as well as several hours of boiling/simmering.  Both recipes told me to “pick over” my beans after I soaked them.  Is anyone else entirely confused by what that means?  Just me?  That’s fine, I took to Google to find that I was supposed to sift through my myriad beans to look for errant rocks.  Why is that a direction?  I understand where this could’ve been a problem back when people picked their own beans…or anytime before quality control.  But is this seriously still a problem today?  Because I don’t want to be the person who finds that errant rock in the midst of supper.  To that end, I did indeed pick over my beans, with nary a rock to be found! 

One recipe told me I needed a “whole chicken breast.”  Now some of you may be laughing at me at this point.  But you were warned that I was confused by simple instructions.  I had to call my mother to consult with her over whether or not this meant one cut or two.  Because they could’ve meant the ENTIRE breast of one chicken, which to me means two cuts.  Mom decided they meant I just needed one cut.  As the recipe also called for a pound of Italian sausage, I figured I’d be fine shorting myself one chicken breast on the outside chance my mom was incorrect.  (Which seemed pretty unlikely)

Now, technically I already knew what to do about this next one, but I figured I should just point out something else obvious. There is a big difference between a clove and a blossom when it comes to garlic.  The blossom is the whole thing, with the many cloves gathered together in the papery husk and tied together at the root.  Now, I’m sure some of you are going “Umm, yeah.  Everybody knows that.”  No, Geico people, not everybody is aware!  As it turns out, vampire movies are a poor way to learn how to cook.  Sure, they teach you the importance of turtlenecks and proper stake care; but when they talk about cloves of garlic and show blossoms, that’s just poor fact checking.  The first time I made a soup that called for 8 cloves of garlic, let’s just say that no vampire would’ve been coming near me anytime soon.  Or many humans for that matter.  I don’t feel too bad for this mistake, because my sister (whom I believe to be one of the smartest individuals around) made the same error around the same time.

Despite my admittedly poor cooking skills, I actually succeeded in creating two really tasty soups that will be lasting me at least a month.  When I’m not eating soup, I’ll be falling back on my specialty of spaghetti.  There may even be a salad or two in my future. 

Now that we’ve covered cooking, let’s talk about my pitiable housekeeping.  While I’m in no danger of having health services called on me, I tend to leave cleaning on the backburner.  For a while.  Okay…for a loooong while.  I’ve been planning to get around to it for the last two weeks, but (of course) kept deciding that I could afford to leave it a bit longer.  Frankly, I’m the only person who sees my apartment, and I didn’t much care to engage in the task.  However, last night my heater (once again) went on the fritz, and I was baking by the time I woke up and realized my thermostat was reading 80 degrees.  I called my landlord and was told that someone would soon be on the way to fix whatever was wrong.

That’s when I had a mild panic attack.  I had stuff everywhere.  While my laundry was done, the clothes were still nestled in their baskets slowly accumulating wrinkles.  Art supplies were everywhere for several different projects.  So I got dressed and became a whirlwind of activity. 

You see, my problem isn’t so much that I dislike cleaning (though I do), it’s that I’m easily sidetracked.  I’ll start on dishes, only to move on to cleaning counters, which (somehow) then leads me to folding my wrinkled laundry.  Then I notice that my knick-knacks are a bit of all over, and I decide to take some of them upstairs.  Frankly, my cleaning style is so ADD, I’m lucky to get anything clean, let alone the whole downstairs.  (For those of you who are wondering—yes, most of my accumulated crap from downstairs ended up somewhere upstairs)

The repairman arrived, and—because I generally dislike sitting around while someone else is being productive—I kept right on cleaning.  By the time the guy left, and my apartment was still sweltering--but on its way to reasonable—the only chore left to do was vacuuming.  Okay, in all honesty, there’s still a lot of dusting to do, but everything looks (mostly) presentable now.  I was so into my cleaning kick that I even moved the party outside and cleaned my car.  I might even be able to see out of my windshield now!

All-in-all, I’ve had a rather productive weekend.  It’s unlikely such events will occur again, but one never knows when I’ll have another appliance break down.  Or perhaps even company!  I’m not holding my breath on that second one…but as I said: who knows?  However, this all just goes to show I never would have made it as a housewife in the 50s.  Well…that and the fact that I believe my opinions actually matter.  But that’s a concern for another day.  I’m exhausted today.

I think I deserve a cocktail and some fries.

Missing the Mark with Social Media

Hello all!  And welcome to a (hopefully) glorious new year! Once again, I have resolved not to make any resolutions in my personal life.  In my professional life, however, I have resolved to put a better foot forward.  To that end, I’m once again taking classes—albeit far fewer than I ever did as a full-time student.  While I could attribute my scholarly pursuits to my love of learning (which is actually true), the real reason I’m taking a class on two of Adobe’s sweethearts – InDesign and Photoshop – is to increase my marketability.  We’re just getting started this week, but I’ve got a feeling I’m going to dominate the Adobe suite!

Now that we’re all caught up, on to my main topic.  Now, technically, some of this is a rehash of my last blog.  But…I do what I want…so here we go!

Since starting this blog, I’ve been trying to have a better social media presence.  To that end, I’ve gotten Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, LinkedIn, and Pinterest.  Of all of these, I probably use Pinterest the most.  Not because I’m welling with untapped crafting potential that just aches for the next do-it-yourself project, but because I love looking at the humor board.  My friend, Niki still shakes her head in disgust that most of the Tumblr posts I read, I find on Pinterest.  She’s correct, it’s an improper use of social media.  Bad me.

I can’t become too concerned over this misuse.  I’ll continue to use Pinterest as I do because I prefer to share funny pieces of our world instead of crafts that pretty much no one (other than my mother) has any intention of doing.  Some of my funnies make me giggle at the antics of others, some make me cringe in horror at where our society is heading, and others make me laugh while bringing a tear to my eye and touching my soul.  Occasionally, I even find content that is both funny and socially conscious.  Most of those are feminist posts that serve to highlight places where society could be doing better, without being (too) militant.  However, one thing that constantly annoys me is when I find uplifting messages, clothing suggestions, or just art on the humor board.  I might like some of what I see, but they have no place on the humor board, gosh darn it!  As these misplaced pins are quickly passed with a swipe of my finger, I don’t go full Hulk, just lift an eyebrow at the audacity of someone’s hashtag ;)

Really, I should use my Tumblr more.  Yet I find so many already amazing things on there, that I don’t know where I could begin to add to it.  Plus, I have no way to create gifs of my own, so I can only write out my thoughts.  Then I find that my thoughts get going and I have a post that’s far too long for Tumblr (or Facebook), and so I come here.  Though, I do have plans for some nerd-rage in the near future in regards to Clara of Doctor Who, and the relationship between Oliver and Felicity in Arrow.  Those rages may show up here as well…but that all depends upon the length of my rant.  Good luck to my non-nerdy readers!

I’ve already discussed Twitter ad nauseum, so I’ll forgo any commentary on that purveyor of 140-character-awesomeness for the moment; and I’ll only say a bit about LinkedIn.  While I applaud what the sight is trying to do, it doesn’t seem to be working for me just yet.  Perhaps I’m not following enough companies, or perhaps I’m not following the right ones.  Either way, the job offers have not been forthcoming.  However, I have been able to follow a couple of companies that I’ve applied for.  I’m kind of hoping that if they see I’m following their company, they’ll know I’m serious about working.  (Which I very much am!!)

I'm sure I'm not the worst culprit of social media mishandling.  However, when it’s all said and done, I’m afraid that there isn’t enough social media in the world to help me when it comes to Google searches.  If one were to search for my name on that hallowed sight (or any search engine for that matter), one would have to search a loooooooooooooooong time to find me.  And one would have to go through at least 3 pages of hits about a porn star before we even enter the realm of possibilities that I’m even close to being on the page.  Oh Internet, thou art cruel.

On that sad note, I shall bid you all adieu.  I hope you all had a happy holiday season, and that--if you made a New Year’s resolution—you’ve been able to stick to it thus far.  Let’s hope 2015 is amazing for us all!